Why Wait Create Your Soul Mate Now! - Find Your Soul Mate Once and for All

How to Get the Most Out of Speed Dating
Unique & Effective Tips to Use Before, During & After the Big Event

Going on a date with a new potential “someone special” for part of an evening can be challenging and exhausting. What will you talk about? Will you both be uncomfortable? Will there be lapses in conversation? Will they be boring? Will you have anything in common? Will they be what you’re looking for? Will you be what they’re looking for?

One date can be stressful enough, imagine fifteen. When you sign up for speed dating it’s like going on fifteen dates at once. So needless to say, it can be an emotional roller coaster.

How do you limit the small talk, and make your time together productive? How do you get to know the person in front of you? How do you make a memorable and positive first impression?

The bottom line: Have a notion of what you’re looking for and trust your instincts.

Below are guidelines to making your speed dating event as successful as possible. Going beyond “conversation starters”, the following tools will prepare you for your event; help you through it (while helping you make the most of it); and then assist you in decompressing afterward. Being prepared and relaxed will allow you to be confidently yourself, and attract people’s interest…leaving them desiring more.

Before the Event:

1. In all dating – online, offline and speed dating – you must first decide what it is you are looking for. Let’s not make this a complicated laundry list of desired qualities…simply; do you want a short term relationship, a long term relationship, or a soul mate (a person that you intend on spending the rest of your life with)? There is no right or wrong answer – it just depends upon what phase of your life you’re in. Spend 5 minutes now to determine what you want…

2. Have you decided? Now you have some concrete expectations. You’re now freed up to explore your options and allow the rest to fall into place. When you know what you want for yourself, you can’t blame anyone but yourself for your results. Regardless of what you chose, bear this in mind: According to the US Bureau of Statistics, 85% of all Americans will be married at least once in their lifetime. So know that many of the people at the event may be (even unconsciously) looking for marriage…it’s only natural and human.

3. Define what you would call a successful event, so you know what your goal is. What is the intended result? To have a good time? To meet new people? To score a date or two, or even three? What else? (You may not want to shoot as high as saying that you’re going to find your soul mate since it could set you up for disappointment, but if your date ends up being your soul mate then that’s a bonus!

4. Schedule your next speed dating event beforehand. By going in with an “abundance” mindset, you’ll have more fun and be less attached to the outcome. You can always cancel the next event if you’re lucky enough to find a good prospect the first time around. Otherwise, keep going and meeting new people.

5. Block out an evening once a week for the next 4 weeks, for a date night – whether you know who the date is or not. This will keep it on top of your mind and create space for you to schedule it in…so you’ll be ready and aware when the opportunity arises.

During the Event:

Besides the obvious dating tips such as dress well, be confident, make eye contact, and smile…the most important part of speed dating is the conversation. Here are some conversation starters (or perhaps enders) that are sure to make an impact.

1. Guys – Start off with a compliment. Tell her you like her hair or she looks pretty tonight. Ask her about her shoes! A compliment shows that you pay attention to detail.

2. Ladies – Ask where he shops. You can tell a lot about a person based on how they dress and where they shop.

3. “Do you still have a lot of objects lingering around from your past relationships? Like what?” This can be introspective, and often hilarious. People always have stuff lingering from past relationships…it may elicit them to go home afterward and clean out their closet. You may too.

4. “Tell me what you don’t want in a relationship.” Everyone tends to say what they want, rather than what they don’t want…but by asking what they don’t want, you can often instantly tell you if you are right for one another. It’s counterintuitive but it works – if you’re a smoker, and they don’t want a smoker, then you’ve saved yourself a lot of time. (And if you think they’re worth it, maybe you’ll make some changes and stop smoking.)

In addition, here a few quirky, unusual questions to ease tension make you stand out among the competition, and make the event more fun.

1. “What does your closet or bedroom say about you?” In my book “Why Wait? Create Your Soul Mate Now!” I demonstrate how one’s closet/bedroom/home is a direct reflection of not only their romantic life, but their lifestyle in general.

2. “Where would you go on a Honeymoon?” This will get the creative juices flowing, wake people up and cause them to be inspired. It can also give you insight on whether they are interested in marriage.

3. “How many nightstands do you have next to your bed?” This is a good way to tell if they are committed to being in long term relationship that leads to marriage – one nightstand means they are unconsciously still single, while two nightstands means partnership, and that they are most likely interested in a committed, long term relationship.

Other tips for the event:

1. Don’t discuss sex.
2. Get comfortable so you can get results quickly…because you only have 3-8 minutes
3. Listen! Don’t act like you’re listening…actually listen. People can tell if you’re pretending.
4. Even if you’re not interested in them…be interested in them. Why? You are all partners in the event, you are all committed to meeting people, and it was nice that they showed up for you.

After The Event:
1. Leave the event on a positive note, like you’ve made new friends and intend on seeing everyone again.
2. Keep an even keel, and just be glad to have met new people. Don’t set yourself up for a letdown by obsessing over people calling you.
3. Trust your instincts. Only you know if it felt right. If you believe that it did, follow up.

Above all else…make it a game, have fun, and get out there and do it again!

About the author

www.createyoursoulmatenow.com

Frank Polancic is a dating coach, noted speaker and author of “Why Wait? Create Your Soul Mate Now!” a book that helps singles identify and attra

Filed Under: Frank's Blog

March 20th, 2009

Copyright: © Frank Polancic 2009

It is the topic that keeps coming up – over dinner with friends, around the office water cooler and especially on holiday visits with family: finding a soul mate.

People love to talk about all sorts of aspects of finding a soul mate: the dos and don’ts, the what-to-wear, the rules about when to call and when to wait. The journey to finding a soul mate is the subject of hundreds of movies, countless books, and even the fairy tales with which we were raised. There is a reason for that: in it’s our nature to love and be loved. We are drawn to love stories because they strike a chord within us.

Most of us have, in our efforts at finding a soul mate, hit more than our share of road blocks. We’ve wondered why the journey can feel so hopeless. And so we look harder – we’ve got our antennae up whether we are strolling along a beach in Cancun or just walking down a supermarket aisle. Have you found yourself doing this: looking everywhere for “the one”?

I’m going to let you in a secret that can change your life, starting today. The secret to finding a soul mate is to stop looking. That’s right: stop looking. Today is your day to make a decision to stop looking for a soul mate and let that person come to you. In my book Why Wait? Create Your Soul Mate Now! I explain that finding a soul mate is not a matter of searching high and low; instead it’s about gaining clarity about what you really want and trusting the universe will provide it.

The Law of Attraction teaches us that what we focus on is what manifests in our lives. As long as your focus is on looking for a soul mate, chances are your energy is directed to the search itself, rather than the discovery. You can instead stop looking and commit to creating the space in your life for your soul mate to show up.

Step one in creating your soul mate is to believe it. Picture yourself finding a soul mate effortlessly… at the moment you least expect it. Spend a few moments each day, every day, in the mindset that your soul mate is in your life. You can even make a collage of photographs and other symbols of what your life together will look like. Meditate on that, really feel it. At first this exercise may seem a little odd, because it’s brand new to you, but soon enough you will be living your life with the mindset and emotions of someone who is truly creating the life of her dreams.

You will be amazed by the changes you experience! You may even find that elements of your life outside of the realm of romance begin to change: you’ll feel better, with a more positive outlook. Be prepared for your friendships to change, as well. Some of the nay-sayers or other negative influences may be put off by the new and different you; chances are they won’t know what has changed but will subconsciously sense your newfound ease. It’s o.k., because the people who are truly on your side will gravitate toward you and support you.

Another change you will likely notice is that your relationship with time will seem different. Once you focus on what it feels like to have all you’ve ever dreamed of, you’ll experience a sense of calm. No more racing against the clock on an endless journey… time is all yours, and yours to share with the soul mate who is about to arrive. You deserve it!

Filed Under: Frank's Blog

March 13th, 2009

Powerful women can have it all.

Yes, that means you! What a great time to be creating a partnership: traditional roles have made way for a new era of building a successful marriage. Old ideas about how marriage “should” look have gone by the wayside, allowing space for couples to build the relationship that works best for them. As a powerful woman, this is your time.

Perhaps it seems odd for a man to be writing that powerful women can have it all. For a long time, we guys were in limbo – not sure how to approach women who clearly were in control in the business world, or any arena they chose. What were we guys supposed do with our deep-seated need to be providers? Please, have compassion: it’s “our thing” to want to provide and feel needed. It’s so deeply ingrained in men that some of us need a little coaching to be our best in a relationship with a powerful woman.

I know this from first-hand experience. I’m married to a woman who has a flourishing executive coaching business, a three-year-old child, a great social life and, I’m very happy to say, a wonderful marriage. Thea is an awesome example that powerful women can have it all.

Honestly, when I met my wife one of the aspects of her creativity that really appealed to me was her business acumen. Little did I know, at the time, how great a business woman she truly is. When her success surpassed mine I struggled to come to grips with not being needed to provide in the traditional sense. It threatened my sense of myself, but it did something else, too – it activated my certainty.

You see, my wife saw that I was struggling. In my mind, she was no longer my biggest fan. But she knew better: she gave me the space to become my own biggest fan. And therein is the secret, we can only thrive if we believe in ourselves. No one can fix us or even prop us up for too long. I learned that the person who owns the role of being my biggest fan is me.

I admit, it took me a while to realize the role that the Law of Attraction plays in relationship building. As long as I was focused on what I was not achieving, I was stuck. When I activated my certainty that I am my own man and my wife is her own woman, we were able to move forward in a mutually supportive way. Thea knew all along that powerful women can have it all.

Take a look at the role you play in your relationships. Sometimes men are indeed scared away by not feeling needed. Are you focused on how all the men you meet start by admiring your success but within six months are off to find someone who will prop them up? I suggest that you shift focus. You can do this by beginning with a simple list of what you do not want in a relationship. Once you are crystal clear about what you don’t want you can quickly begin to make a contrast list of what you do want. Focus on that daily and you will begin to notice guys showing up with those positive qualities you’ve been thinking about.

For instance say you don’t want a guy who will leave you after six months because you’re working a lot and bringing in a lot of money. Once you are clear about that you can focus on what you do want – a guy who will be comfortable with your success, and comfortable with himself.

You already know how to make things happen, so you are already living the Law of Attraction. Just transfer those amazing skills to drawing your ideal partner into your life. It make him some time (I admit it took me time), but it will be worth the wait. Don’t stop short of knowing and experiencing the truth: powerful women can have it all.

Filed Under: Frank's Blog

March 11th, 2009

“Is He My Soul Mate?”

If you are asking yourself the question, “Is he my soul mate?” then chances are, a part of you hopes that the answer is a resounding, “Yes!” Just the fact that you are considering the question means that there is some intangible quality pulling you toward him.

Take a moment to consider what factors led you ask, “Is he my soul mate?” Is it his kind gestures? Is it the way he respects your goals and life purpose? Maybe it’s the way you feel when you are next to him. Perhaps it’s a deep-down gut feeling that this could be your moment – the moment you always knew would arrive.

The only way that you can truly answer the question, “Is he my soul mate?” is to continue moving forward with him. Take it to the next level within yourself. I don’t mean ask him flat-out or even drop subtle hints… I mean show your commitment that he is your soul mate. Experience each moment – with him and away from him – as if the answer to that question is a crystal-clear “Yes.” You’ll begin to see some astonishing results.

Here’s the thing I’ve learned about soul mates. Throughout the years as I have taught people how to attract their soul mates, I’ve observed that waiting for the other person to claim soul mate status is not the way to find true love. The decision must start within you: the proclamation that you are ready to be loved 100% as you are for who you are. This is a critical step that so many people overlook or simply skip, only to find themselves wondering where it all went wrong.

So that fact that you are asking, “Is he my soul mate?” is a wonderful thing! It’s a huge step forward from asking “Why do I keep dating the same guy in a different package?” or worse – “Why do I keep dating the wrong guy?” A shift has taken place within your spirit and brought this potential partner into your life (or back into your life). This is a living, breathing example of the powerful Law of Attraction.

The Law of Attraction is now part of mainstream culture. People are waking up to the fact that they are creating their lives with their thoughts. A few years ago, you may have asked yourself again and again, “What’s wrong with me? Why do I attract people who are dishonest or who don’t understand me?” While self-reflection is a good starting point, it’s critical to switch gears away from negative thought patterns (“What’s wrong with me?”) to positive though patterns: “I am so fabulous! I am ready to attract my soul mate and I believe that he will be everything I’ve dreamed of in a partner and then some!” Say the latter statement out loud; can you feel the energy rise?

Now, getting back to the question “Is he my soul mate?” Stating this as a question sends out a vibration of uncertainty. I suggest that you switch gears again and take it to the next level: “I am attracting my ideal soul mate with every action and thought.” In making this change in the way you frame your thoughts, you have nothing to lose but doubt.

Remember that dating is temporary. You will move to a new phase beyond wondering if this is “the one.” The answer to that question “Is he my soul mate?” will not come from outside, from your friends’ assessments, or even from your partner’s statements. It all starts with you.

Frank Polancic – The Soul Mate Guy

Filed Under: Frank's Blog

March 10th, 2009